How to Play Pickleball with Your Partner Without Arguing (Doubles Tips for Couples)

Playing pickleball with your significant other shouldn’t feel harder than playing against your toughest opponents—but for most couples, it does.

And after coaching hundreds of players here in Honolulu—and competing in tournaments with my wife, Lauren—I can tell you this:

👉 The problem isn’t skill.
👉 The problem is that most couples don’t know how to play as a team.

I’ve seen it so many times—both in lessons and even during tournaments like the Hawaii Pickleball Open™.

Everything is fine… until one missed shot.

Then comes:

• “Why did you hit that?”
• “That was yours…”
• “You should’ve let it go…”

And just like that, the energy shifts.

What should be fun turns into tension.

The truth is simple:

👉 Most couples are not losing because of their shots.
👉 They’re losing because they’re playing as two individuals instead of one unit.

Let’s fix that.

1. Focus on Yourself First

If you want to improve as a team, start with yourself.

Your partner already knows when they’ve made a mistake—pointing it out doesn’t help.

What actually helps:

• Staying consistent
• Making smart decisions
• Trusting your positioning
• Supporting your partner—even when it’s hard (I’ve struggled with this myself)

I remember coaching a couple at one of our clinics in Honolulu. One partner kept trying to “fix” every mistake the other made.

The result?

They kept getting worse as a team.

Once we made one simple adjustment—no more correcting each other during points—their level improved almost immediately.

👉 Strong teams aren’t built on correction.
👉 They’re built on trust and discipline.

You want to impress your partner.
You want to hit the perfect shot.
You want to win the point yourself.

But great doubles teams don’t work like that.

👉 They win by building points together.

Instead of forcing winners:

• Keep the ball in play
• Set your partner up
• Trust the point will develop
• Work as one unit—understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and use them to build the most effective team

Simple shift:

👉 Don’t ask, “How do I win this point?”
👉 Ask, “How do we win this point together?”

I’ve experienced this myself too.

When I first started playing more competitive doubles—including tournaments here in Hawaii with my wife, Lauren—I caught myself trying to do too much.

I wanted to take over points.
I wanted to finish rallies early.
I thought I was helping the team…

But in reality, I was creating pressure on both of us.

There were points where I would step into balls that weren’t mine, or force shots instead of letting the point develop—and it would break our rhythm completely.

Once I shifted my mindset to:

👉 “Trust the process. Trust your partner.”

Everything changed.

We started playing more balanced and more patient, and, honestly… winning became easier.

But more importantly—
👉 The game became more fun.

When I started focusing on my own game instead of worrying about what she might do wrong, the game became a lot more fun.

And when I let my partner focus on her own game, I started enjoying myself more on the court—and Lauren did, too.

👉 When you trust your partner, you don’t just play better—you enjoy the game more together. And if you’re married, it’s a lot more fun celebrating wins together instead of giving each other the cold shoulder later at home.

2. Define Roles (Even If You’re at a Similar Level)

This is huge—and most couples skip it.

Even if you’re at the same level, you still need clarity:

• Who takes the middle?
• Who is more aggressive at the net?
• Who handles pressure better?
• Who takes the lobs?
• Who creates opportunities to put the ball away?
• Who is the better reset player and can slow the game down after a speed-up?

Without roles → hesitation happens
And hesitation = lost points

👉 A simple starting point:

• Cover down the line when the ball is in front of you
• Cover the middle when the ball is across from you

👉 Common doubles guidelines:

• Forehand usually takes the middle (but not always)
  If you overcommit your forehand to the middle, you can expose your backhand down the line—especially when the ball is in front of you. Don’t follow this rule blindly.
• A stronger player can take more court (when needed)
  This works well—but only if both partners agree. Otherwise, it creates confusion and hesitation.

But here’s the key:

👉 Agree BEFORE the game—not during.

I’ve seen matches at our tournaments where couples lose—not because they lack skill—but because both players go for the same ball… or neither does.

That’s not a skill issue.
👉 That’s a communication issue.

When I play doubles with players who are not at the same level as me, I let them know that I’ll take a bit more court.

But more importantly, we talk about their strengths.

We set up points so they can use what they do well instead of exposing their weaknesses.

For example, if I know they struggle to block or reset a speed-up, I make sure we position ourselves so they’re not constantly put in that situation.

I’ll often adjust our positioning so I’m matched up against the player who likes to speed up. That takes pressure off my partner and helps us stay in control of the point.

👉 Great teams don’t just play together—they play to bring out the best in each other.

3. Communication Is Everything (Tone, Words & Body Language)

Most couples do communicate… just not effectively.

“You should’ve let that go”
“That ball was out”
“Why didn’t you move?”

Even if you’re right—it hurts your team.

👉 Great teams keep it simple:

• “Mine”
• “Yours”
• “Switch”
• “Let’s go”

Short. Clear. Positive.

But more important than the words is the tone—and even your facial expressions.

There are so many players whose tone or body language becomes negative:

• rolling their eyes
• shaking their head
• using an aggressive tone

And you can feel it instantly.

👉 I’m sure you’ve experienced playing with someone like that.

After a mistake:

• “All good, next one”
• “We’re good”
• “Stay with it”

That kind of positive energy keeps your team together.

However, if you’re anything like me, being overly vocal or constantly cheering your partner doesn’t always come naturally.

I try to stay supportive—tap paddles, keep things positive—but during matches, I tend to keep a lot of things to myself. It’s more of an internal battle.

And that can be challenging for your partner… unless you communicate it.

👉 Let them know who you are upfront.

You might not be the most outwardly expressive player—and some people might even see that as being “cold”—but that doesn’t mean you’re not supportive.

It just means you show it differently.

👉 What matters isn’t how loud your support is—it’s that your partner feels it.

4. Master the Basics Together

You don’t need advanced strategies to win more.

You need consistency.

The best teams I’ve coached in Honolulu—and the ones that perform best in tournaments—do the basics better than everyone else:

• Get to the kitchen together
• Keep dinks unattackable
• Reset instead of forcing
• Avoid pop-ups

👉 And just as important—know how to adjust your strategy to win the match.

Most couples lose because they try to do too much.

👉 Instead: play simple, high-percentage pickleball.

That alone will separate you from most teams.

Playing simple, high-percentage shots will help your team reach the podium much faster—especially in tournaments where you might only play one game to 11 or 15.

👉 Every single point matters.

When you understand what your opponents do well—and where they struggle—you can adjust your strategy and reduce your margin of error.

I remember one match where I played men’s doubles against players who were incredible at blocking speed-ups. Anything above their shoulders came back fast and aggressive—it felt like nothing got through them.

But once we adjusted…

Instead of trying to overpower them, we focused on controlled drops and dinks.

And suddenly, their game started to fall apart.

👉 What made them strong became irrelevant.

The match became much easier—not because we played harder, but because we played smarter.

👉 That’s why you need to practice your soft game.

You never know when a third-shot drop or aggressive dinking will be the key to winning a match.

5. Move as One Unit

This is where most couples break down.

They move independently instead of together.

• One stays back, one rushes
• Gaps open
• Easy targets for opponents

👉 The goal:
Move like you’re connected by a string.

• If your partner moves → you move
• If they shift → you shift

I see this constantly in matches—even at higher levels.

The teams that move together don’t just look better…
👉 They win more points without doing anything fancy.

When you move together, you can better predict and control the openings on the court.

If one player moves too early or too far ahead, it creates gaps—especially behind them.
For example, if one player reaches the kitchen much faster, their partner is often still stuck in the mid-court, leaving an easy target for the opponent.

👉 The goal is to minimize the angles your opponents can hit.

When both of you move together, you close those angles as a team—making it much harder for your opponents to pass you.

6. Keep It Fun (This Matters More Than You Think)

At the end of the day, you’re not just doubles partners.

You’re partners in life unless you are plyaing with your friend and not sigincant ogher.

If pickleball becomes stressful, something is off.

👉 Quick mindset shift:

• Focus on enjoying the process
• Celebrate small wins
• Laugh at mistakes

The best couples I’ve worked with aren’t just skilled—they actually enjoy being on the court together.

And ironically…

👉 Those are the teams that win more.

Final Thought

Playing pickleball with your partner doesn’t have to be complicated.

In fact, it works best when it’s simple:

• Play as a team
• Communicate clearly
• Stick to high-percentage shots
• Support each other

Do that—and you won’t just win more…

👉 You’ll actually enjoy playing together.

Ready to Improve as a Team?

If you want to take your game to the next level as a couple, check out our upcoming clinics and tournaments at Hawaii Pickleball Academy®.

We’ll help you:

• Build real doubles strategy
• Improve on-court communication
• And actually enjoy playing together

👉 Register now — spots are limited

Frequently Asked Questions: Playing Pickleball with Your Partner

Below are some of the most common questions we hear from players in Honolulu who are learning how to play pickleball with their partner.

1. Why do couples struggle when playing pickleball together?

Most couples struggle not because of skill, but because of communication and teamwork. Instead of playing as one unit, they play as individuals. This often leads to confusion, frustration, and missed opportunities during points.

2. What is the best way to communicate with your partner in pickleball?

Keep communication short, clear, and positive. Use simple calls like “mine,” “yours,” and “switch.” Avoid criticizing your partner during points—focus on encouragement instead, such as “all good” or “next one.”

3. Who should take the middle in pickleball doubles?

A common rule is that the player with the forehand takes the middle. However, the most important thing is that both partners agree on this before the game to avoid hesitation and confusion.

4. How can we stop arguing while playing pickleball together?

Set expectations before you play. Agree not to criticize each other during matches, focus on your own performance, and keep communication positive. Remember, the goal is to enjoy the game together—not just to win.

5. What are the most important skills for doubles pickleball?

The key skills are consistency, positioning, communication, and teamwork. Getting to the kitchen together, keeping the ball unattackable, and avoiding unnecessary risks will win you more points than flashy shots.

6. Should couples take pickleball lessons together?

Yes—taking lessons together can be very effective. It helps both players understand roles, improve communication, and learn strategies as a team. Structured coaching also removes tension because feedback comes from the coach instead of each other.

7. How do we improve as a pickleball team faster?

Focus on simple, high-percentage strategies:

• Play consistently
• Move together
• Define roles
• Support each other

Practicing these basics regularly will lead to faster improvement than trying advanced shots too early.

8. Is it better to play with your partner or different partners?

Both are valuable. Playing with your partner helps build chemistry and teamwork, while playing with others exposes you to different styles and can improve your overall game.